Student Council Elections 2019

I have had the unique displeasure of being involved in the Student Council elections since my Freshman year in the loosest sense of the word. My involvement was limited to talking to the few friends I had and maybe providing emotional support (or so I like to think). Ah the delight of being friends with extracurricular overachievers when you’re an anti-social wallflower. This article will probably not be a scathing expose of the underbelly of LUMS’ elections. It’s more likely to be the rantings of a coward too afraid to say anything directly to their friends so they hide behind hollow words and digital code.

 

I do not wish to suggest that the elections are irredeemably bad. In their best form, they are a necessary endeavor that give students a taste of real world responsibility and even a window into politics. It is a chance to stimulate conversation about issues that are relevant on campus such as the smoking policy, excessive PDA, rise of campus surveillance. Ideally, we would see intellectually engaging debates between candidates on these issues and be privy to long and comprehensive manifestos that reflect the thought and effort that went into it. The reality is much different.

 

Come every Spring Semester, like clockwork, the cycle begins again. The batch lists come out, the Khoka chillings increase, and every action becomes shrouded with a veil of “are they doing that with an ulterior motive?”.

 

One key characteristic of election season is secrecy. Ironically, a system of elected representation that is supposedly built on the tenets of accountability, is one that is surrounded by the most whispers, huddles and midnight rendezvous in the male dorms. What makes this process the most nefarious is that elections are a continuum. They do not end with one semester worth of campaigning. With the prevalence of lobbies based on cities (cough Karachi cough) and A level schools, (cough LGS cough) elections are a system of deals cut to secure present votes for future support. You get us *insert number here* votes now, and we will support your candidate next year. But next year comes, someone from your lobby wants to run, and those promises become “we never said that”. What is left, is bad blood and dents in your credibility which further cements the alliance system. A real life application of Realpolitik, no doubt! Bismarck would be proud.

 

Elections also seem to dominate your entire life. Even if you are seemingly disconnected from the political process, it will find a way to haunt you in some manner. Even playing rung at the khoka becomes the LUMS equivalent of middle aged uncles and their dining room conversation surrounding politics. LDF is not spared either. It is a close race between those posting soliloquies about the qualities of their candidates and those who are penning diatribes of being ambushed by candidates who are responsible for their tardiness to class.

 

You have to give credit where its due, however. LUMS students are nothing if not extremely resourceful. Being millennials, how can anything be divorced from technology? We have learned to introduce campaigning to the digital age. Extensive excel sheets of the batch list are drawn up and progress reports are updated after talking to each person. It is all very Black Mirror. Personal privacy in LUMS? What’s that? You might think no one has ever thought of you like that, you’re so far removed from all this. No, you are not. As long as you are a person who can vote, you are on the list. You will be getting a message to meet, or a friendly Jehovah’s Witness-esque knock on your door.

 

Student Council elections have become about a stick measuring contest (you know what I actually wanted to say) more than anything else. I know I am far from neutral and am being a hypocrite by saying this but…. Ignore all of these noxious aspects of the elections. Keep your head down and just go to the debates. Listen to the candidate’s speeches, ask for their manifestos, question them about their beliefs. Use your critical thinking, make an informed decision and sideline all these alliances and associations. Maybe you will not revolutionize the election process in LUMS, but you will have done your part.

 

(P.S. the author realizes that the context for this article has passed but hey! I don’t mind talking smack about SC any time. This was supposed to come out in the edition of the PLUMS dispatch before the elections. But I’m sure it’ll all apply to next year’s elections as well. Ah thank goodness for the unchanging nature of this awful institution.)

Godspeed, PLUMS! A Farewell Note by the Vice President

Like you, I also feel a social pressure to write something cool, but for a moment, let’s be ourselves. Let’s bravely face our humble, real selves and leave our cool masks on the shelf. We, millennials, associate our identity with  plenty of artefacts; social media, pop culture, Netflix and the stories they tell. We know these distant, detached stories told to us; those that we can only see or hear through a device, but not touch or smell. We know less of our own selves and the immediate surroundings which can be seen, heard, touched, smelt and felt – realities that are more certain than the former. We all carry an urge to be “cosmopolitan middle class individuals through indulging in transnational consumerism of things, ideas, ideologies and cultures”. But imagine that internet or cable networks cease to exist today; then what are you? Who are we? How will we have conversations? The consequences will be horrendous: our Johnny self will become Jamshéd and will fall short of “pickup lines”.

“World will always look for unstable, impulsive, hormone-imbalanced youth to further its propaganda on one hand, and grumpy, old, arrogant lot on the other.”

Our identities depend on these distant stories so much that if they cease to exist, we would be nothing. This is our weakness. We have built the world around us, but there is nothing inside.

پڑھ پڑھ علم  ہزار کتاباں،  کدی اپنے آپ  نوں  پڑھیا  نئیں

جا جا وڑھدا اے مندر مسیتی، کدی من اپنے وچ وڑھیا نئیں

We must link the immediate with the distant. As our sense of reality is dislodged from our immediate surroundings, we are pushed to a conundrum of expectations that inculcate a façade of a “certain” future. But that “future” never happens. You’ll be asked to connect the dots, but the expectations will align them in a way that the line goes in a direction that the “expectors” wish. When we pursue life with a detached sense of reality, we deceive and lie to ourselves about the “is” through “ought”. The world disappoints us each time; and unlike our numb “reality”, these contradictions are felt bitterly through all our senses! As what is, exists independent of what we think is, and we do not run over the bus when we have our arms crossed, the bus still runs over us.

I’ve been believing in something so distant,
as  if  I  was human!

I’ve been denying this feeling of hopelessness,
in  me;  in  me!

So much in this world, ultimately, tends to move from instability to stability. Perhaps that explains our need for certainty and meaning. But to reach the highest level of certainty, we need to conjoin all our senses to know, than relying on only seeing and hearing through devices. We are only exposed to the ‘distant’; detached from the ‘immediate’. We are an unstable generation plagued with a weaker sense of certainty than our ancestors. Perhaps this is the “instability” that reflects as mental illnesses, among other reasons?

I have built this as a foundation to encourage you towards “originality”, and “being yourself” in your creative projects, which you must understand in terms of eliminating the problem I have  put  forth.  We  are  a society, a community that has a common goal: writing. All our departments work together to produce this end, learning manifold skills in the process. As I see a promising future of this newspaper, it is imperative  that we preclude this ‘millennial problem’ of detached reality, disconnected from our immediate surroundings, in our writings. Let’s link the distant to the immediate. Right now, for instance, we are students at a university. What being a “student at LUMS” means, is for us to define; not just the administration or faculty; not Google; not Instagram, not JSTOR and certainly not Netflix.

کوئ  دور  رہ  کے  قریب  ہے

کوئ قریب رہ کے بھی دور ہے

Should we be “critical”? A popular concern found in the students’ culture these days, is of “thinking out of the box”. What we don’t realise is that when we go out of the box, we jump into another box and stay there. Should we, then, keep jumping through the boxes persistently to facilitate inquiry? I never really understood that. If you wish to “deconstruct”, you find yourself in Jacques Derrida’s box—you may choose to stay there, perhaps because it’s a “French” box.  But following the earlier logic, no matter how much we jump, we are tempted to make a box around us; of certainty; of stability; and stay there even when it starts corrupting with contradictions. And do you see, we have the audacity to see this world in a “horse shoe”? If we realise our surprising abilities, no horse shoe will be able to theorise us.

If we believe that there are no absolute right or wrong – or no “box” – we will still be tempted to generalize our personal right and wrong to the world. Maintaining a façade of acceptance of others’ values counts to nothing if, by practice, we still move towards the absolute in many respects. Just because we say or believe that we are not, does not change the practical reality and its consequences. Isn’t that we are tolerant in being, tolerant in sayings, but intolerant in doings? Though we have grown apparently elastic in it, we still compete to be the demagogue.

As this society is relieved from resource dependencies, you will witness this newspaper leaning towards such direction, which will be an existential threat. I already see certain factions running after it like wild hounds. There is apparently a consensus among the academics that being completely value neutral is impossible. For a person, I find it true to a vast extent, but not for the institutions. For a newspaper that hosts a constellation of persons, using this consensus to justify propaganda is precarious; it can compromise free speech, result in compelled speech and a lack of diversity. You will see dominance of one narrative and exclusion of others. The contrarians will be discouraged to write or enter the society altogether. The newspaper will attract a label and facilitate cult formations on either sides, which is a catastrophe. We don’t want to see an “Intellectual Dark Web”, do we? Cults are, by definition, exclusive; when you make one cult, four more cults will be formed around you. Would you wish such a campus?

I declare this society open for all kinds of students—Northerners and Southerners alike, brand schoolers and non-brand schoolers alike—if they can think originally and be themselves. For how long can we hide behind an arbitrary grandiose of city, or a brand name of a social engineering factory? We are someone else too, without association to these jewels; someone more than a market niche. We must not be eager to replicate the tyranny of the world inside the campus. The world outside is, but a huge ego-sizing contest. In reality, their ego is the same; it is the gazing of the shadows that misguides them. Thus, those who are farther from the light, see  bigger shadows of their egos, and those who are closer, know their place and that of humanity very well. I encourage you to be the latter, and not the former.

The media in the world too, is accused of showing a distorted reality to facilitate narratives. They have to, but we dont. As I depart, I recommend the Editorial Board of PLUMS to maintain as much value neutrality in the editorial policies as it is possible, and to avoid implicit and explicit association with any ideology or narrative that must govern all writers. As I stated earlier, we will be tempted to turn populist, towards any side of the spectrum. But the highest level of maturity is when we strictly observe that what we are tempted to do is not always what we should do. Though it generally happens in the world outside, it is not best for us students. We are here to learn acceptance of differences, not activism and propaganda; the former is harder to learn; the latter is, or soon will be, instilled in us by the logic of the world anyway; as we let it.

Another reason why I deplore propaganda through the newspaper and its unapologetic affiliation with a narrative is to keep us students from being used. We get used by the things we don’t know how to use. We don’t control the narratives that we are a mouthpiece of, someone else does; who doesn’t love us as much as we begin to. How does religious fundamentalism use us, tapping into our beliefs, which they don’t themselves respect? How does right capitalism use us, taking advantage of our greed, avarice and vanity; feeding us theories of individual agents, then treating us as collective? And how does neo-Marxism and postmodernism use us, capitalizing on the “millennial weaknesses” these days? Karl Marx or Karl Mask? Taking a moral high-ground in the comfort of the blanket about the complicated world (immediate reality) that we never interacted with! Have we read a book called the world? What we say, remains in our throat, as we say so to be sublime characters, online or otherwise. It was all a meaningless hashtagging and posting, until they said it can change the world, and we adopted it impulsively to get meaning, stability and certainty in what we were habitual of doing meaninglessly. Can it really change the world? We were never critical of its premises, as what the world is and which direction of “change” it must follow, are not questions devoid of narratives, shortcomings and interests. The list above is not exhaustive or literal, be imaginative! We are in a world of defenseless lawyers and diseased doctors. All in all, we are not the end for them all, but a means to an end unknown to us.

Some cover their propaganda under cunning “rationality”, others facilitate demagoguery by a façade of compassion and piety. Serving humanity in saying, could be feeding our vanity in doing. They are a “public consent” away from a vulgar dictatorship that they had been hiding all along. Seemingly benign, inherently sinister!

Faking compassion for politics, rather; harms the very regime of it, by making the public skeptical of its discourse whenever it is signaled—failing to distinguish the fake from the genuine. Let the postmodernists disagree.

ہے علم جسے ہو حاجتِ  اندازِ بیان، محض رعب
پاک علم ہو گرچہ سادہ، کرے شعلہ بیان زدوکوب

Yet another choice is edginess, but that too is meaninglessly endless. You get edgy, edgier, edgiest and then what? You “walk over the edge”?

Though I am a big fan of feminists, as they say “men are trash”, I rather contend; why are they so lenient? How about the whole world is trash? Why is there a food-chain? We complain about the game theory, but why are the
resources scarce? Isn’t water running out, in our immediate reality? What will we do? If the world is this trash, does that imply we must adjust and be trashy ourselves? Or that we must manage to make it less trashy? How do we do it? Resource allocation? Modernization? Eliminating grand narratives? Revivalism? Hedonism? World abnegation? Self-purification? Which is the best answer? No one is sure. Façade of certainty! We are all internally scared and insecure; and we hide this behind the veil of vanity. Some get to shout and hurl through a pedestal; others get to sit with a European leg-cross at an NGO’s event. Their sayings are not doings, and doings are not what they speak of; their thinkings are not feelings, and feelings are not for what they think; their beings are not what they are, and what they are, they don’t want to be! They are distant, and all alike. They will bring us nothing, but make us become like them. You’ll be swimming through life somewhere, but your heart will float elsewhere; the heaviest of its pieces will be drowned, others will go here and there.

حق نوں آکھ کہ ہک کرے

ترا    ٹوٹا    پھوٹا     دل 

But the world will always look for unstable, impulsive, hormone-imbalanced youth to further its propaganda on one hand, and grumpy, old, arrogant lot on the other. We must spare ourselves from this game, at least as long as we are in the university or in the learning stage – or in a hormonal imbalance, for that matter.

Growing up is not a choice, but a necessity, for if we act like a pre-pubescent kid, the world will treat us like one; that treatment will less resemble that of our parents and more so of pedophiles. We would never know when, where and how were we ripped off.

Yet I’m militantly against pessimism, though I know that my words reek of it. But it only reeks to those who have learned to be governed by it; I have conjured all optimism in my Urdu poetry; those who cannot read it, missed out on it.

ٹھانی تھی دل میں اس نے اک آرزوۓ عروج

کہ  کردار   باکمال   ہو ،  شجاع   خوب  خوب

کروں  میں کچھ ایسا  کہ عالم حیراں   ہوجاۓ

ٹالوں  میں  وہ  بلا،   کسے  ٹالی  نہیں  کبھو

ملے  اسے    جلال  و  اضطراب  و  استطاع

مگر    بلا   نہ   آئ ،   بلا    ٹالتا    وہ   کیا

جب  کام  ہی  نہ  تھا    تو  کامیاب   کیا  ہوتا

نہ  تھا کوئ  فرعون  تو  موسیٰ وہ  کیا  ہوتا

جانا، کہ   مصیبت  بھی   ہے  اک نعمت  خدا

مانا،  کہ  اہم ہیں   یہ  فتن ، فِسق  اور زبوں

نہیں  ہے  دنیاۓ عفریت و عزازیل بلا  مقصد

دجال   نہ    فضول،   نہ   یاجوج  وَ ماجوج

The only acceptable activism is one that originates from yourself; from your immediate reality, that is: you are a student at a university—which is just one shallow instance. What concerns do you face being a student? Ask yourself! Would you not speak of non-profits shifting from social service provision to a mere donation collection; from “altruism” to “greed”? Do you see your peers implicitly excluding NOP scholars and then rant on LDF about mutual acceptance? Do you  recognize imposters amongst you, who talk of feminism, tolerance and piety, but do the opposite? But first sweap your own house, as the most immediate is, yourself. For us, it is less terrible, as this is our age of making mistakes; though it’s over for those who sit in offices. It is when you are aware of the immediate reality first, you are good to talk about the distant matters, while maintaining a link. And for that, you do not need to follow an ideology or a school of thought. No PhD knows more than you, what being a student at this university today feels like. You own this domain. You have the right and legitimacy to speak out through the platforms that PLUMS provides. Lastly, be critical, but not in the manner described earlier.

Words never erupt out of a newspaper to grab anyone’s collars. I have no right to obligate you to listen, nor have you, to constrain me to explain. As through this, I do not seek the limelight; I never wanted to be noticed. But I humbly put these words out, so the consequences that are not consistent with them, are off my shoulders. Mera Ranjhan hun Koi Hor!

If Harvard Crimson can last more than a century, this newspaper can last as long as LUMS itself, and it will (IA). With this hope, I bid farewell, both, as the Vice President of PLUMS (EC’19) and as a student at LUMS. Khuda Hafiz!

 

 

 

What is it about Khoka Chillings?

“This is a satire piece, learn to laugh, you will definitely live longer”

What makes LUMS, LUMS at the end of the day?

When I pause to ponder over this question, my mind reverts back to Oweek’17. I had the privilege of being coached by someone who till this very day abides strongly with what he said on Day 1.

Agar LUMS mei kabhi chill krna ho toh friends kay sath Khoka(y) pr beth jao

In fact, that is how I first picked up on the term Khoka chillings. No matter what part of the semester is, the green benches adjacent to the drive lane, right outside the Khoka Shop are the way out. Be it flunking a quiz to expressing your valuable take on the PDA issue, Khoka is the place that allows you to illustrate on your LUMS (and life) experience(s).

But what is all the hype about?

This spring semester provided me with the opportunity to explore the university (and myself) in a very non-conventional and nuanced way. Simply put, quite different from what & how your Oweek coaches would describe. Thankfully to my cause, I had a friend alongside who was ready to contribute her input into the matter.

The other day both of us sat down to grab a cup of chai. From what was initially a normal friends conversation went on a tangent of dissecting the place in front of us: the Khoka!

We were not surprised to see the place crowded with people because that is usually how Friday afternoons appear to be. Although you would expect some of them to return back home.

Making full use of the spare time we had, the two of us embarked on a mission to understand Khoka. What is it about the place? Who are these people you get to see every day? And finally (and most importantly), Is the Khoka hype really worth it?

Dissecting Khoka

You are mistaken if you thought Khoka was a term that originated in LUMS. Sure, the word is used more frequently than it would possibly be used outside the vicinity of the institution. But Yes, there are Khokas outside LUMS as well

In the literal sense of the word, Khoka is primarily a shop on the corner of a street where people would sit down, have a tea coupled with some ‘gup-shup’.

Well, in one way or the other, the literal meaning does relate to what actually happens at LUMS. Yet, there are some particularities which I have observed and found worth mentioning here.

It’s about the same type of people you get to witness on a daily basis, and possibly wearing the same type of outfit over and over again. Mind you I mean the guys in jogger pants with an Adidas jacket and Nike shoes (without socks) above all to complement the combination.

Let’s dissect the Khoka starting from the drive lane.

You exit your car at this location possibly because you want to mingle in with the Khoka chillers. The first thing you notice? There are people everywhere, literally everywhere. Finding a spare bench might be impossible at this point so all you have to do now is find anyone you know and try fixing in. That anyone could be someone from your Oweek group, society or an individual you asked notes from and they were nice enough to share them with you.  Which in a way explains how LUMS freshies actually begin their friendships. 

All you need to do is force yourself in with a group that wouldn’t possibly mind your presence. They probably do but unfortunately, are too shallow to exhibit their concerns out front. 

If you manage to look around, each bench has a group although appearing to be the same but doing somewhat a different activity. The conversation centres around LUMS life, quizzes, gossips etc. Not that, you, as an individual find the conversation(s) meaningful, but there is no other choice.  You have to fix yourself in because you need validation from the group members.

But what about the time when all the conversations seem meaningless and no one has any contribution to make? In that case, start playing Rung! There is no reason why you should even get up from that bench.

Manage to look closely at the Poondi Benches!  You come across a bunch of seniors, not in any way appearing to be worried about their future prospects. At that point, all that matters: a cigarette and some Tame Impala music to make most of the situation.

If you ever have to sit at a Khoka Bench, the one adjacent to the shop window is a straightforward NO! Mainly for two reasons: a) Ijaz bhai has an exhaust installed at that location which essentially means you expose yourself to unbearably hot air. b) There is always some society thing happening on that bench.

Not going to point out which society, in particular, occupies the bench the most, but you know who you are.

Perhaps the environment of the Khoka wasn’t lit enough for these society people and the only way to overcome that is to make everyone listen to Faded by Alan Walker in the loudest possible volume. If people disapprove of the song (which normally should be the case) then you have some NFAK qawalis as a viable alternative.

Not going to mention the windows, they are always reserved for certain kinds of people.

Move a bit ahead to land yourself in the extended part of the Khoka. LUMS literally had to make an extension to accommodate more Chillers.

The story is a bit different here. You possibly won’t come across people playing rung or listening to EDM rather the benches have supposedly a different purpose altogether. If you don’t run into some faculty members, then mind you there will be some birthday celebration happening. Long story short, the Extended Khoka, on a comparative, happens to be much more peaceful and calmer. Although who knows, it probably won’t be long before the Chillers take over this part as well

Conclusion?

There is no conclusion. Try being a little nerd and experience the tranquillity of the LUMS library.

 

Why miss out on Khoka Chillings when you can keep office hours at the Khoka!

 

 

 

A Satire by Adil Ashraf

Lahore University of Management Sciences.

You hear a lot about the infamous LUMS, but of course it’s a completely different thing to actually experience it. Let’s explore it a bit.

First of all the students. LUMS students thrive on knowledge. Every evening, in fact any time they can find they sit down and exchange information. From how much they loathe the uninvited company of flies with them to how much they fancy that one boy or girl to how fat Aisha is getting. They believe that every bit of information is important and deserves their due attention. What a fine set of intellectuals we are.

If we’re going to talk about the students here we also need to look at how people from different schools differ. If you flip your arm around a little, chances are that you’ll hit someone from HSS. This phenomenon is due to two reasons: one is that HSS has like 3/5ths of the students enrolled here, second is that only HSS kids are veila enough to always be moving around at arms distance. But, I don’t mean to take anything away from these HSS kids. Good chaps, most of them. Their main complaint is that they have too much to read. That’s fine, but as many readings they get, the number of laments they have exponentially increases.  But enough about them, let’s talk about our scientists at SSE. SSE kids’ lives revolve around the SSE building and their bedrooms. They, sadly, don’t have the luxury of being as veila as the HSS kids. The nice reward of a STEM career keeps them motivated. Which is admirable, I must say. Plus they get to tag each other in highly complex science memes which are beyond me,so I guess the scales even out.

SDSB is an interesting case. If foxes were human, they’d probably go to SDSB. Not because they look especially dashing, but because foxes are chalaak, which I use because the word cunning doesn’t have the same effect. You need to always be alert in case it’s time to get some sweet sweet CP, or in case there’s an announcement for an exam, quiz, presentation, project or whatever other hell LUMS likes to drag us through. SDSB also has vendi machines which I add here because I just wanted to say that I finally have a vendi card and am now part of an elite class that can access these futuristic snack machines. The 5 rupees you pay extra for the nimko here makes the nimko all the more nimkoer too.

Now you Law students. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget you guys. If LUMS’s schools were its children. SAHSOL would be the middle child. A tad bit neglected, and in the corner at every family meeting (In fact it’s always to the side, the building can’t move). SAHSOL has the smallest batch size. But what they lack in numbers, they make up for in length. Length of time, to be specific. They have the honour to eventually evolve into a being beyond what the other students can hope to be. LUMS has a lot of super stuff, there’s the super store and the super crisps at the super store, but SAHSOL specifically has super seniors. Who can shoot laser beams from their eyes, lift incredibly heavy objects, and also extend their stay here to 5 years (two of the previous facts were wrong, figure out which ones these were).

Well, I had wanted to talk about more than just the bachei here. But, alas, being from SDSB my CP is due and I shall be chalaak here and leave some stuff to write about later. Huehuehue.

Adil Ashraf

Class of 2021