Tag: satire

Lahore University of Management Sciences.

You hear a lot about the infamous LUMS, but of course it’s a completely different thing to actually experience it. Let’s explore it a bit.

First of all the students. LUMS students thrive on knowledge. Every evening, in fact any time they can find they sit down and exchange information. From how much they loathe the uninvited company of flies with them to how much they fancy that one boy or girl to how fat Aisha is getting. They believe that every bit of information is important and deserves their due attention. What a fine set of intellectuals we are.

If we’re going to talk about the students here we also need to look at how people from different schools differ. If you flip your arm around a little, chances are that you’ll hit someone from HSS. This phenomenon is due to two reasons: one is that HSS has like 3/5ths of the students enrolled here, second is that only HSS kids are veila enough to always be moving around at arms distance. But, I don’t mean to take anything away from these HSS kids. Good chaps, most of them. Their main complaint is that they have too much to read. That’s fine, but as many readings they get, the number of laments they have exponentially increases.  But enough about them, let’s talk about our scientists at SSE. SSE kids’ lives revolve around the SSE building and their bedrooms. They, sadly, don’t have the luxury of being as veila as the HSS kids. The nice reward of a STEM career keeps them motivated. Which is admirable, I must say. Plus they get to tag each other in highly complex science memes which are beyond me,so I guess the scales even out.

SDSB is an interesting case. If foxes were human, they’d probably go to SDSB. Not because they look especially dashing, but because foxes are chalaak, which I use because the word cunning doesn’t have the same effect. You need to always be alert in case it’s time to get some sweet sweet CP, or in case there’s an announcement for an exam, quiz, presentation, project or whatever other hell LUMS likes to drag us through. SDSB also has vendi machines which I add here because I just wanted to say that I finally have a vendi card and am now part of an elite class that can access these futuristic snack machines. The 5 rupees you pay extra for the nimko here makes the nimko all the more nimkoer too.

Now you Law students. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget you guys. If LUMS’s schools were its children. SAHSOL would be the middle child. A tad bit neglected, and in the corner at every family meeting (In fact it’s always to the side, the building can’t move). SAHSOL has the smallest batch size. But what they lack in numbers, they make up for in length. Length of time, to be specific. They have the honour to eventually evolve into a being beyond what the other students can hope to be. LUMS has a lot of super stuff, there’s the super store and the super crisps at the super store, but SAHSOL specifically has super seniors. Who can shoot laser beams from their eyes, lift incredibly heavy objects, and also extend their stay here to 5 years (two of the previous facts were wrong, figure out which ones these were).

Well, I had wanted to talk about more than just the bachei here. But, alas, being from SDSB my CP is due and I shall be chalaak here and leave some stuff to write about later. Huehuehue.

Adil Ashraf

Class of 2021