Libra – Sept 23 to Oct 22
You will be faced with shock and despair when you realize no one cares about how many midterms and quizzes you had in one day. Try not to cry.
Scorpio – Oct 23 to Nov 21
Your problems will come to an end as soon as you realize that partying twice a week (Thursdays and Fridays) can keep your liver healthy and your morale boosted as you look forward to the next week! Happy hours can be 24/7.
Sagittarius – Nov 22 to Dec 21
Avoid going to the gym this month as embarrassment awaits you when you learn that working out and brownies from the Khoka do not go together. Take a moment to appreciate all the pizzas and burgers that you have been consoling yourself with!
Capricorn – Dec 22 to Jan 19
Your GPA prospects improve significantly as you find out that the person you copied off from in the last exam turned out to be a CS major. Rejoice!
Aquarius – Jan 20 to Feb 18
If your life isn’t going the way you want, have another go at blaming someone else for it. You might get it right this time.
Pisces – Feb 19 to March 20
Avoid calling your parents this weekend because they’re finally starting to get over the trauma you put them through by not calling them since the semester started.
Aries – March 21 to April 19
You will realize very soon that the song “Body by Loud Luxury” is not the only song that you can dance to. Consider focusing on your playlist a little more. This is a good month to stop listening to Cardi B. For good.
Taurus – April 20 to May 20
Your ideas about how feminism is cancer are irrelevant. Do not make a fool of yourself. The #NotAllMen movement should only be about how full of yourself you are.
Gemini – May 21 to June 20
Every dog has its day. Some day in this month might be yours. Emphasis on the ‘might’.
Cancer – June 21 to July 22
A disappointing month awaits you as your prospects of finding love go down the drain. Even the rishta aunties on LDF these days can’t hook you up. Raise your morale by calling out all the couples in the student lounge.
Leo – July 23 to Aug 22
It is okay to cringe occasionally, or maybe all the time because of the sheer stupidity around you. If you don’t cringe at all then your only responsibility is to know you’re the stupidest person around.
Virgo – Aug 23 to Sept 22
This will just be another month of not remembering names and referring to everyone as Buddy, Hero or Boss. Nothing to worry about, though. Most of them don’t know your name either.